101 Bits of Advice From an Old Man to His Youngest Son

I’m entering my 38th and final year of teaching. Next week I will attend my 55th consecutive first day of school. When you approach a milestone, your mind naturally reflects. It seems like yesterday when I drove my thousand dollar car (Buick LeSabre) to check into my new home (a trailer), with nothing more than clothes, a kick-ass stereo, and hundreds of coveted albums. That was 1981.

I began my career as a Biology teacher and basketball coach. I’m ending my career as a Chemistry teacher and track coach.

My swan song as a teacher coincides with my son’s rookie season. Cycle of life. For a month last spring, it looked like Quinn might be hired as a Biology teacher at Plainfield North. The vacant position never materialized but I thought a lot about how cool it would be to drive to work with Quinn every morning. Quinn is my youngest of four kids. Our relationship is much more than father-son. Quinn has been my right hand man for the last five track seasons. This past spring he coached our two state champ relay teams. Quinn was my quarterback when I coached sophomore football and he ran track for me for four years. Quinn also had Mr. Holler for Honors Chemistry in 2009-10. It’s very unique that I taught Quinn stoichiometry in the morning and the no-huddle offense after school.

Quinn has been hired to teach Biology at Andrew High School in Tinley Park. He will assist Adam Lewandowksi in football and Doug Bozych in track. From what I know, he could not be in better hands.

I had thought about writing “A Letter to My 22-Year Old Self” as a disguised attempt to give guidance to Quinn as he starts his journey as I did 38 years ago. I settled on a more direct approach.

101 Bits of Advice

1. Be loyal.

2. Be rebellious.

3. Read.

4. Listen.

5. Live big and bold.

6. Visit people who are good at what they do.

7. Ask lots of questions.

8. Question all the answers.

9. Become interesting.

10. Stay interested.

11. Write.

12. Take notes.

13. Sit in the front row.

14. Drink lots of coffee.

15. Declutter.

16. Organize.

17. Simplify.

18. Tell stories.

19. Respect your elders.

20. Stay quiet at teacher’s meetings.

21. Speak up and speak out at union meetings. Teachers need strong leadership.

22. Don’t be late.

23. Own your classroom.

24. Connect with kids.

25. See the world through the eyes of your students and athletes.

26. Learn from your students and athletes.

27. Don’t drink on school nights.

28. Take care of your teeth every day. You are going to live to be 110.

29. Run.

30. Show up for important events of friends and family.

31. Re-think obligations. Learn how to say no.

32. Find a girl that makes you a better man.

33. Grow your clan, expand your tribe.

34. Eat real food (meat, fruits, and vegetables)

35. Play your music loud.

36. Choose quality over quantity. Never brag about how MUCH you taught or how MUCH you accomplished in practice.

37. Life is a marathon. Play the long game.

38. “Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.” – W.B. Yeats

39. As a young man ask questions. Someday people will ask you questions.

40. Develop good habits. “Chains of habits are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.” – Warren Buffet

41. Be a peacemaker. Feuds should be temporary.

42. There’s a place for everything and everything has its place.

43. Resist the temptation of taking a sick day. You were born at 1:45 AM on March 30th, 1993, and I taught science six hours later.

44. Don’t be transactional. Do good things with or without reward.

45. Say “pay it forward” as often as you can.

46. Show respect for people. Remember names. From Dale Carnegie: “Napoleon the Third, Emperor of France and nephew of the great Napoleon Bonaparte, boasted that in spite of all his royal duties he could remember the name of every person he met. His technique? Simple. If he didn’t hear the name distinctly, he said, “So sorry. I didn’t get the name clearly.” Then, if it was an unusual name, he would say, “How is it spelled?” During the conversation, he took the trouble to repeat the name several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person’s features, expression and general appearance. If the person was someone of importance, Napoleon went to even further pains. As soon as His Royal Highness was alone, he wrote the name down on a piece of paper, looked at it, concentrated on it, fixed it securely in his mind, and then tore up the paper. In this way, he gained an eye impression of the name as well as an ear impression.”

47. Avoid being critical. From Dale Carnegie: “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return.”

48. Smile. From Dale Carnegie: “It costs nothing but creates much. It enriches those who receive without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None are so rich they can get along without it.”

49. Show appreciation often. “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” – William James

50. Always try to resolve conflict. From Dale Carnegie: “Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding. Be honest. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness. Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree. You don’t have to win.”

51. Avoid golfing.

52. “You never slow down, you never grow old.” – Tom Petty

53. When you get knocked down, always get up. Don’t focus on your defeat. Take pride in being resilient.

54. Write a daily to-do list. “Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.” – Henry Ford

55. Avoid spending money.

56. Always pay off your credit cards.

57. The person who drinks the least usually has the best time.

58. Nothing good happens after midnight.

59. When depressed, go on a long run. If still depressed, run farther.

60. Marry a hard-headed woman. (Not some fancy dancer.)

61. FEED THE CATS.

62. Forgive.

63. Be shameless in promoting the students in your class and the athletes on your team. (But always be honest in your promotion.)

64. Be a teacher, not a cop.

65. Take kids seriously. “Children are not the people of tomorrow, but are people of today. They have a right to be taken seriously.” – J. Korczak (And from Divergent Thinking: Inside John O’Malley, “Above all else, my teenagers have the very unique experience of being taken seriously.”)

66. Success isn’t based on getting things done. Success is based on getting the important things done.

67. “Delegate or streamline all the tasks that distract you from doing your best, because when you do more of what you do best, you achieve more.” – Jeff Haden, “The Motivation Myth”

68. “80% of our results come from 20% of our action.” – The Pareto Principle

69. “You fuel your heart with six things: what you watch, what you read, what you listen to, who you surround yourself with, how you talk to yourself, and what you visualize.” – Joshua Medcalf, “Chop Wood, Carry Water”

70. “The ultimate illusion of the human experience is control. The person you want beside you in battle is the guy who has surrendered the outcome, and surrendered to the fact that he might die. When you surrender the outcome, you are freed up to be at your best, to be in the moment, and to trust your training. It is the one who has surrendered the outcome who ironically has the greatest chance of survival. It is the one who has surrendered the outcome who has the greatest chance of success. It is the one who has surrendered to the fact that he could fail, who has the greatest likelihood of not failing. Until you surrender the outcome, you will always be the greatest enemy to your own success.” – Joshua Medcalf, “Chop Wood, Carry Water”

71. “The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.” – Mark Manson, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”

72. Don’t base decisions on feelings. “Your feelings are temporary. They only exist in the moment they arise. Your feelings cannot tell you what will be good for you in a week or a year or 20 years. They can only tell you what is best for you now … and even that is debatable.” – Mark Manson, “F*ck Your Feelings”

73. “Pleasure is a false god. Research shows that people who focus their energy on superficial pleasures end up more anxious, more emotionally unstable, and more depressed.” – Mark Manson, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”

74. Be happy with enough. “The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make. The more you desperately want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance. The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you. The more you want to be spiritually enlightened, the more self-centered and shallow you become in trying to get there.” – Mark Manson, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”

75. You don’t have to be exceptional. “Most of us are pretty average at most things we do. Even if you’re exceptional at one thing, chances are you’re average or below average at most other things. That’s just the nature of life. To become truly great at something, you have to dedicate shit-tons of time and energy to it. And because we all have limited time and energy, few of us ever become truly exceptional at more than one thing, if anything at all. We’re all, for the most part, pretty average people. But it’s the extremes that get all of the publicity.” – Mark Manson, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”

76. Eat your vegetables. “The ticket to emotional health, like that to physical health, comes from eating your veggies … that is, accepting the bland and mundane truths of life: truths such as ‘Your actions actually don’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things’ and ‘The vast majority of your life will be boring and not noteworthy, and that’s okay.’ This vegetable course will taste bad at first. Very bad. You will avoid accepting it. But once ingested, your body will wake up feeling more potent and more alive. After all, that constant pressure to be something amazing, to be the next big thing, will be lifted off your back. The stress and anxiety of always feeling inadequate and constantly needing to prove yourself will dissipate. And the knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish, without judgment or lofty expectations. You will have a growing appreciation for life’s basic experiences: the pleasures of simple friendship, creating something, helping a person in need, reading a good book, laughing with someone you care about. Sounds boring, doesn’t it? That’s because these things are ordinary. But maybe they’re ordinary for a reason: because they are what actually matters.” – Mark Manson, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”

77. It’s ok to be wrong. “Every step of the way I was wrong. About everything. Throughout my life, I’ve been flat-out wrong about myself, others, society, culture, the world, the universe – everything.” – Mark Manson, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”

78. Avoid certainty. “Certainty is the enemy of growth. Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.” – Mark Manson, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”

79. “We can be truly successful only at something we’re willing to fail at. If we’re unwilling to fail, then we’re unwilling to succeed.” – Mark Manson, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”

80. As my mother always said, “everything in moderation”. From Mark Manson: “As with most excesses in life, you have to drown yourself in them to realize that they don’t make you happy.”

81. No F-bombs. Coach like you teach.

82. Cultivate rebel talent. “Read every day, something no one else is reading. Think everyday, something no one else is thinking. Do everyday, something no one else is would be silly enough to do. It’s bad for the mind to be always a part of unamity.” – Christopher Morely

83. Lead many lives. “A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies.” – Jojen from “Game of Thrones”

84. Be an advocate of kids. Don’t teach and coach from the side of the adults.

85. Be an advocate of kids like DeVaughn Hrobowski. (PN all-stater and team MVP as a junior in 2015, one of eight children with a single mom, homeless his junior and senior year, IMHO a victim of racial-profiling and getting arrested three times his senior year for basically being black with dreads in a white town, was not allowed to compete in his senior season.)

86. The neurotransmitter dopamine gives us reckless confidence. We increase dopamine by getting lots of sleep and sunshine. Don’t lead an indoor life and never underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep. “Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.” – Mahatma Gandhi

87. Practice Essentialism. “The way of the Nonessentialist is to go big on everything: to try to do it all, have it all, fit it all in. The Nonessentialist operates under the false logic that the more he strives, the more he will achieve, but the reality is, the more we reach for the stars, the harder it is to get ourselves off the ground. The way of the Essentialist is different. Instead of trying to accomplish it all – and all at once – and flaring out, the Essentialist starts small and celebrates progress. Instead of going for the big, flashy wins that don’t really matter, the Essentialist pursues small and simple wins in areas that are essential.” – Greg McKeown, “Essentialism”

88. Get things done. “There are two opposing ways to approach an important goal or deadline. You can start early and small or start late and big. ‘Late and big’ means doing it all at the last minute: pulling an all-nighter and ‘making it happen.’ ‘Early and small’ means starting at the earliest possible moment with the minimal possible time investment.” – Greg McKeown, “Essentialism”

89. If you have too many priorities, you will drown in shallow water. “Beware of the barrenness of a busy life.” – Socrates

90. “If you are going to be a bear, be a grizzly.” – Ben Brinkley

91. Sometimes we need to resist, revolt, and re-wild. “We are the slave who has become loyal to his ‘owner’, the hostage suffering from Stockholm syndrome, the battered wife who continues to stick up for her abusive husband, the cow who refuses to – or no longer remembers how – to run when the iron gates of her small concrete barn are opened.” – Mark Boyle, “Drinking Molotov Cocktails with Gandhi”

92. Never lose your enthusiasm for Biology. “Okay, if owls are so smart, why don’t they build houses, cars, and computers?” The biologist’s instant response was “They’re so smart that they don’t have to.” – John Ratey and Richard Manning from “Go Wild: Free Your Body and Mind from the Afflictions of Civilization”

93. “If you don’t get enough sleep, you are going to end up fat, sick, and stupid.” – John Ratey and Richard Manning from “Go Wild: Free Your Body and Mind from the Afflictions of Civilization”

94. Treat every kid like you and his dad are good friends.

95. Don’t be one of those first-year teachers who look upon the veteran teachers as lazy unsophisticated dinosaurs.

96. Students will remember how you treated them longer than they will remember your lesson.

97. Young teachers get fired for going to war with students or parents, poor classroom management, or unprofessional behavior. Every administrator will have an opinion of you based on hearsay, not test scores. Solve your problems in-house.

98. Keep students on their toes by asking a question, and then, calling on a student by name.

99. Don’t assign homework. High school kids work longer hours than their parents. Create a grading system that produces A’s and B’s, and a few C’s. Eliminate zeros. Give kids a break. Always err on the side of kids. Make your class fun.

100. “Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.” – from “The Handmade’s Tale”

101. “Wake up and fight.” – Woody Guthrie’s New Year’s resolution #33 (1943)

+++

It’s possible that Quinn knows me as a teacher and coach better than anyone on the planet. Alec would argue he knows me best. Alec and Quinn both know of my failures as a teacher and coach. They would be quick to point out that I need to take my own advice (#27, #46, #81). But it’s ok to make mistakes. It’s ok to have faults. It’s ok to be wrong. We are all human.

As I stated in my introduction, this project began as a reflection, “A Letter to My 22-Year Old Self”, hoping that there might be some wisdom to pass along to my youngest son as he begins his teaching career. It morphed into “101 Bits of Advice.” As I edited my work for the tenth time, I saw the article may have evolved into something else. Maybe my “101 Bits of Advice” became a mission statement for the teacher I want to be in my 38th and final year of teaching. Maybe I want to become a better version of myself.

As a first year teacher, I had a reckless confidence. Friends said I was “cocky” and I took it as a compliment. I didn’t need money to be cool. I was cool. I chose to live in trailer so I could play my music loud. My embarrassing car didn’t embarrass me because I was a good basketball player, read books, and had good penmanship.

I went to the bank in August of 1981 to get enough money to buy a used TV, couch, and chair (I slept on a portable cot that the Athletic Director loaned me). Back in 1981, people didn’t have credit cards so they went to the bank and applied for a loan. The banker (Bob Curtis) gave me some advice about saving my money. My reply, “That’s good advice, but then again, someone who knows the difference between good advice and bad advice doesn’t need advice.” Cocky! (My dopamine levels must have been through the roof.)

Quinn knows the difference between good advice and bad advice.

Good luck Quinn!